


I never thought we could be together

by addicted_to_collins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cockles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-02-13 20:24:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2164032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addicted_to_collins/pseuds/addicted_to_collins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story has begun from a friendship and no one knew where this friendship could lead to...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jensen woke up early in the morning with Danneel right next to him who was sleepily mumbling something into his chest. He smiled at her first but then he remembered what day it was and his smile faded away. He had to head back to Vancouver to continue working on season 10 of Supernatural after a summer hiatus and it automatically meant he had to leave his family for a few months. Again. But he actually missed it, working with his two best friends and that amazing crew he's been working with for ten years already. All of them had become his second family and he really enjoyed spending his time on set with them. And anyway they would talk on Skype with Danneel so it wouldn't be that bad.

With a little smile on his face, Jensen lovingly kissed Danneel on her forehead and rolled out of their bed. He quietly approached a cradle where JJ slept peacefully. Jensen always loved watching his daughter's sleep because she was tiny but already so beautiful, just like her mom. The one thing Jensen didn't like in his job was that he couldn't spend as much time with his family as he should have. He promised himself when Supernatural ends, he would give all his free time to his family.

Looking around his apartment for the last time, Jensen took his two suitcases and headed outside, closing the door behind him. All his slight sadness had momently disappeared when he saw a familiar BMW which belonged to his and Jareds' bodyguard Cliff and two dorky faces of Misha and Jared looking through the window.

"Come on, Jensen, we're going to be late for our flight registration," Jared said and waved at Jensen, saying that he had to be faster with his suitcases. Jensen quickly threw them into car's trunk and joined his friends inside.

"Hey," Misha smiled widely and hugged him, "We missed you."

Jared pulled Jensen into a big and tight moose hug so it was hard for Jensen to breath.

When Jared finally pulled back, Jensen laughed happily and said, "Yeah, guys, I missed you too. It's been a while actually. How're you going? How are your wives?"

"They're fine," Misha and Jared said almost at the same and started to laugh like two idiots. Jensen started to laugh as well and was just too happy with their reunion.  
\-------------  
Their flight went well. All the time three friends were chatting about their families and how they spent that one-month vacation. Once they had arrived, some attentive fans noticed and recognized them so they had to stay for 10 more minutes at the airport, signing posters and taking photos. Then they finally made their way to a car which was gladly provided by the director of the CW.

"Hey, Jared, can I stay at your place tonight?" Jensen asked, "Don't wanna go on set and spend the night in a trailer tonight because our vacation technically is not over yet."

"Of course, Jensen, that's not even a question. Gen and kids are going to come over here only tomorrow, so it's completely fine," Jared friendly patted Jensen's shoulder.

"Okay, thank you."

One hour had passed and they finally arrived at Jared's place. They dropped Misha out at his place which was a little closer to the airport and agreed to meet him tomorrow on set. Jensen started to feel tired so he went to a guest room and took a shower, preparing to lay in his bed and fall asleep, but first he decided to call his wife. He set up his laptop and dialed her on Skype. She answered after three beeps.

"Hey, honey, how are you? How was the flight?" she smiled widely through a web camera and Jensen smiled back.

"Hey, baby. Everything is fine actually, I just feel tired a little bit. How is JJ?"

"Wait a second." Danneel gave him a sly look and came back in 5 seconds with JJ in her hands.

"Say 'hi' to your daddy, sweetie," Jensen waved at her daughter and laughed happily when she waved back at him.

"Jen, it's already late and she's still awake. I guess I should go and try to calm her down until she falls asleep. Will you call tomorrow?"

"Of course I will. Good night."

"Love you."

"I love you too," Jensen said and hung up.

After that he finally went to sleep with a huge expectation for tomorrow and for season 10.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you really planning to do it? Destiel becomes canon?" Jensen surprisingly looked at the audience that surrounded him. He sat in a room with Misha, Jared and all writers and producers next day, reading through the script of season 10.

"Why not?" Eric asked. "This is exactly what fans are waiting for! Just imagine how much our ratings will increase in comparison with other shows on the CW," Eric continued, "We will turn over the entire history of TV shows because no one has done it before."

Jensen looked at a Supernatural creator skeptically and turned to face his co-star Misha. All he saw was a big smirk on his friend's lips.

"Seriously, Misha? Wipe that smirk off, I'm not gonna do that."

"Why not, Jensen? What bothers you?" Misha asked curiously.

"Because it's stupid, okay? This show was supposed to be about two brothers who hunt and kill monsters together, not about the love between a hunter and an angel. Why did you enter that angelic story line in season 4, Eric? It wasn't really necessary. Sometimes I think about it and still don't understand the reason why you had done it! All of this would've been much easier if you hadn't!" Jensen was angry, he couldn't control his emotions.

"If he hadn't, you wouldn't have even known me!" Misha shouted at Jensen and left the room.

A sudden realization hit Jensen - he said too much...

"Misha, wait!" Jensen shouted but all he heard in reply was a door slam.

"Damn," Jensen hissed under his breath.

All audience went dead silent. "Dude," said Jared quietly, "Why did you say that?"

"I don't know. Just...it was unexpected, all this script. I never thought you guys could actually write this. I'm not homophobic, okay? But that's too much for this show, you just don't know what else you can come up with, you're out of ideas. And I believe this is not the best way for the show, you better rethink the script," Jensen said grumpily.

"Jensen, that's not your work, but the writers. Let them decide what they want to see on the show. Now you should go after Misha and apologize. Right. Now," Jared insisted.

"Alright, okay. But it doesn't mean that I agree with all this," he pointed out at the sheets of paper in front of him and left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Misha slammed the door of his trailer. He couldn't believe his ears.

"Did Jensen really say that?" he asked himself, "Did he really mean that? All this angelic story line," Misha sadly smiled at these thoughts, "is what fans are watching this show for. They watch the show mostly because of the profound bond between Dean and Cas and Jensen still refuses to understand that. He still thinks it's all about the brothers. Idiot."

A quiet knock on the door stopped his track of thoughts.

"God, I hope that's not him," Misha mumbled under his breath.

He stood up unwillingly and approached his door, stopping in front of it for three seconds, taking in a few deep breaths and then opened the door. Of course, it was Jensen.

"Misha, I-"

"I don't wanna talk to you, Jensen," Misha said quickly and tried to shut the door, but Jensen's foot didn't let him to do it.

"Misha, please, we need to talk."

"I thought you had said everything you wanted in that room in front of everyone," Misha said, angrily glancing at his co-star.

"Let me explain, please," Jensen noticed the moment of Misha's hesitation and added, "Give me a chance."

Misha thought for a few seconds, staring at those magical green eyes he used to get lost into while they were filming their scenes on Supernatural and finally said, "Fine. You have five minutes."

Jensen let a sigh of relief and timidly sat on Misha's couch. Misha sat on the other edge of it and glanced at his friend. He seemed to be uncomfortable, like he didn't know where to start. Two minutes of silence had passed and Jensen finally began to speak, half-turned to Misha, "Look, I didn't mean those words in the way you thought I did. And I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it at all in the first place anyway. You know, I'm really glad you had joined our crew all those years ago and I'm still so happy to see you in. You're my best friend and you know me, you know my personality. And I think you should understand me too, I didn't expect it. I didn't expect that the writers had planned to show Destiel in that way. It made me uncomfortable, I wasn't ready. And I'm still not sure I'll be able to do it. I know, we're actors and we should do our jobs but I've never done this before, you know, with..." Jensen shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "a man."

"Come on, Jay, it's just one kiss. How could it change anything between us?"

Jensen half-smiled at this shortened version of his name. Misha was the only one who called him like that and it always made Jensen feel better in any situation. "Nothing, actually, just...I don't know, I still think this is not what we should do. I'm not that open like you in all this stuff. And I think there should be another variant to cure Dean but I guess the writers won't change anything in the script so I should talk to Danneel about it, ok?"

Misha hided a sigh of disappointment and slight irritation, "Ok."

"Good," Jensen stood up and was about to leave Misha's trailer but then he turned his head to Misha and said, "I'm really sorry, Mish. We're good?"

"I guess we are. See you tomorrow on set."

"Okay, night," and with those words Jensen went out, closing the door behind him and leaving Misha with his thoughts and doubts.


	4. Chapter 4

Next morning Jensen woke up in a shitty mood. He had a kind of insomnia because all his thoughts were about that Destiel crap and he just couldn't stop thinking about it. The first thought after him being completely awake was that he still didn't talk to Danneel about it and that fact made his mood even shittier. He lazily rolled out of the bed in his trailer and looked at his watch. It was 6 in the morning. He groaned because he couldn't call his wife that early so he had to wait until night for the Skype time with her. Jensen looked through the script of their scenes with Jared they were supposed to be filming in the first day. There was nothing hard in acting for Jensen in upcoming scenes but some parts were going to be hard for Jared because he would have to face demon!Dean for the first time and show around all heartbreak his character felt because of it.

"Jared is a brilliant actor and he'll manage to do it in the best way," Jensen thought, "while I'm gonna screw up even these easy scenes."

Jensen was beyond glad Misha wasn't in the first episode because his presence would make it all even more difficult until he would have a chance to talk to Danneel and discuss everything.

He walked out of the trailer and found smiling Jared outside of his own one.

"Hey, dude," Jared greeted warmly, "Erm, to be honest, you don't look very good," the taller actor pointed out, "What happened? Did you talk to Misha yesterday?"

"Yeah, I did. We're good now I guess but I should talk to Danneel first just to be sure she doesn't mind."

"I really hope she does though," Jensen added mentally.

"Okay, good," Jared grinned, "But why you look that shitty then?"

"I barely slept this night because I can't stop thinking of all this Destiel thing. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just a kiss, nothing more. I've kissed numerous times in my life, does that make any difference who I'm going to kiss this time, a woman or a man? It obviously doesn't but something deeply inside stops me from doing it. I'm afraid of something and I don't know what it is," Jensen blurted out all his thoughts and looked at Jared with a terrified expression on his face. Jared just smirked in return, obviously trying to hide his laugh.

"What so funny?" Jensen asked, trying to remember if he said something that might've caused laugh.

"I just thought what if you have feelings for Misha and this scares the hell out of you to do something intimate with him so you're afraid you won't be able to stop doing it in the future?" Jared thought for a few second at what he had said and started to laugh again.

"W-what?" Jensen asked, shocked, "Jared, are you high or something? How could you possibly think that? I have a wife and a child and I'm happy with my family. What was all that about?"

"Just remember my words in the future," Jared chucked and went into make-up trailer, leaving Jensen with still shocked expression on his face.

\-----

All their scenes with Jared went surprisingly okay that day. Thoughts about Destiel had tried to crawl into Jensen's mind but he fought them and didn't let in.

"I suppose my professionalism won't last long enough so I'll give up someday and screw up everything..." Jensen thought, entering his trailer.

He was exhausted and all that he wanted to do was go and sleep all his tiredness and worries off. But Jensen had to do one thing first. With a heavy sigh he turned on his laptop and dialed Danneel on Skype.

"Hey, honey, how was your day?" Danneel smiled.

"Hey, babe, it was pretty good, how was yours?" Jensen answered, way too sadly.

Danneel narrowed her eyes a little to look better through a web camera, trying to figure out whether something bad had happened to her husband or not, "Jensen, what's wrong? Something happened?"

He let out a sigh, "Not really, I just need to talk to you."

Danneel's face relaxed a little, "I'm listening."

"Look, there's one thing about this season we're filming. The writers, they..." Jensen stopped talking, not knowing how to tell his wife about it.

"Come on, Jensen, what scares you that much? It's just the show, what could writers make you to do which is that disturbing for you?"

Jensen rubbed his face with his hands. He didn't know he looked so obvious and easy readable.

"Destiel," he let out the word he had started to hate already, "Dean and Cas need to kiss, it's one possible way to cure demon!Dean."

Danneel just laughed in response.

"What?" Jensen asked, stunned. It was far from a response he was waiting for, "What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing, just you should know that I don't mind about it," his wife smiled widely and slyly, causing Jensen to be even more curious.

"But..." he started but then he heard JJ crying.

"Sorry, honey, I gotta go and calm her down. Don't worry about Destiel, just do your job, I don't mind about your kiss with Misha at all. Bye," and with that Danneel hung up, leaving Jensen sat shocked in front of his laptop.


	5. Chapter 5

Misha couldn't sleep properly that night because he was afraid of Jensen and Danneels' conversation about Destiel. He knew that their decision wouldn't change anything because what had been written in the script was already written and no one would change that but it bothered him anyway. He didn't want to be a reason of Jensen's fight with Danneel if she did mind about that upcoming scene.

Misha had met Jared into his trailer before he went to sleep to ask if he knew something about their conversation but all that Jared knew was that Jensen still didn't talk to her. Misha didn't want to put a pressure on Jensen so he decided to wait until morning to ask him personally.

Misha always came to Jared to discuss things about Jensen because three of them were friends and it was the best way to find out more about Jensen who usually told Jared everything about his life. Jensen was closer to him than to Misha in a manner. Not that Misha felt jealous about it, but he definitely didn't like it. The blue eyed man suspected that Jared might've known about his secret crush on Jensen because all that Misha did around Jared was asking him about Jensen. But Misha didn't care. If Jared knew, he didn't show it anyway.

The clock at a nightstand beside Misha's bed said it was 5.30 am and Misha decided it was time to get up. He knew that Jensen usually woke up at 6 am so he decided to talk to him once his friend was awake. Misha took a shower and headed to Jensen's trailer. It was 5.55 am when he arrived but he couldn't wait any longer. He needed to know.

Misha knocked on Jensen's door and waited. After a few seconds he heard a grumpy sound of his friend's voice asking who it was and what the hell that person wanted from him that early in the morning. Misha chucked quietly and said that it was him. He felt a little bit guiltily for waking Jay up but all his guilt had vanished once he saw a perfect sleepy face of his co-star in the door frame.

"Misha, what the hell do you want from me? I had a very good dream and you've just ruined it'" Jensen said and his alarm rang in one second after that.

Misha chuckled again, "Well, your dream would've been ruined anyway so don't tell me it's my fault."

"Okay," Jensen grinned and let him in.

Misha said on the couch.

"Wanna coffee?" Jensen offered.

"Yeah, that'd be good."

Jensen started to pour two mugs of coffee and Misha just couldn't look away from him. He was wearing a robe but it didn't hide a movement of his back muscles. Jay was physically fit and it was really hard to hide that fact under any clothes. His hair sticked out in all possible ways and Misha had to fight the urge of running his hands through them. Jensen turned his head a little and, oh god, that profile! Jensen's monument could stand next to Ancient Greek Gods because he was as perfect as they were.

Misha was stunned by Jensen's perfectness and didn't notice that he's been caught staring until he heard Jensen coughed awkwardly.

"Um...what?" Misha blushed a little bit and that was something he didn't get used to.

"Are you alright?" Jensen smiled and gave Misha his mug.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks."

"So," Jay took a sip of his coffee, "Why did you come to me that early?"

"Actually, um, I wanted to know if you had a chance to talk to Danneel about the...script?" Misha didn't want to annoy Jensen with the word 'Destiel' because he know that his friend hated it, so he replaced that word with a neutral one.

"Yeah, we talked about it yesterday," Jensen said calmly.

"...and?" Misha started to feel a little nervous.

"Surprisingly, she doesn't mind. She said she was completely okay with it because it's my job and I need to do that I have to. The script is written anyway and nothing could change it, so yeah, we'll do it," Jensen finished.

Misha relaxed on the couch. He's been waiting for that moment for so long. The moment when he could finally kiss that gorgeous green eyed man. He's been dreaming about it since they filmed season 4, since they met in the first time. And now he was so close to that. Finally. He only had to wait for the last episode of season 10 to be filmed.

"It's really good, I'm glad to hear," Misha smiled brightly but not too brightly for Jensen to suspect something, "Well, see you on set then," Misha added and left Jensen's trailer.


	6. Chapter 6

Months had passed and season 10 made its way to the season finale. The shooting of the entire season went pretty good and the ratings of the show had increased too much. Each and every fan of Supernatural were waiting for Destiel to become canon because everyone understood that those stares between Dean and Cas just couldn't be more 'platonic'.

During all those months Jensen and Misha lived their lives. Every night after shooting his scenes, Jensen came back into his trailer and called Danneel. He was telling her everything that had happened to him. They had no secrets. Jensen missed his daughter so much. Even though he saw her every day on Skype, it wasn't enough. He couldn't hold her in his hands and tickle, hearing her precious laugh that always made his day brighter even than he thought it was impossible. He couldn't read fairytales beside her bed until she fell asleep. He couldn't talk to her properly and he was afraid that all that JJ would remember in the future would be an image of her father on the screen through the web camera. But he was working, he loved his job and he hoped his daughter knew that daddy loved her anyways. At least JJ didn't walk yet so Jensen was hoping he could shoot the finale as soon as possible to head back to his family and see her first steps.

Misha saw his family every weekends because he had his own apartment in Vancouver and his family lived there. Vicki had noticed that Misha behaved himself a bit more weird than usual during all this year but she didn't bother him with questions. If something came up, he'd tell her anyways when it's time. And Misha was thankful for it, for her respect and trust. Because he didn't trust himself anymore.

\---

Everything was set up for the shooting of the last scene of season 10 finale. Jensen was sitting in his trailer, repeating the lines when he heard the knock on the door.

"Yeah, come in."

It was a director's first PA, Susan, "Jensen, everything is ready."

"Alright, I'm coming,"

"Erm, could you do me a favor? I have a few things to do before we start so could you go and tell Misha yourself that we're ready, please?"

"Sure, that's not a big deal," Jensen smiled though he didn't really want to talk to Misha before the shooting. He was afraid he could lose his concentration and play the scene not the way he wanted to.

"Great," Susan said and left the trailer.

With a sigh Jensen stood up and left his trailer. He was on a halfway to Misha's trailer when he bumped into Jared.

"Hey, buddy," Jared greeted warmly, "where are you going?"

"I'm going to find Misha and tell him that we should be on set, everything is ready."

"Oh yeah, the big final scene," Jared told that phase slower then usual and smirked.

"What's on your mind, Jared?" Jensen asked worriedly. He knew his best friend good enough to realize that he had something planned.

"Nothing, really, just the fact that you and Misha are going to kiss," Jared's smile grew even wider. "Finally," Jared mentally added.

"And why are you so happy about it?" Jensen wasn't going to give up.

"Who's happy? I don't see anyone happy around," Jared chuckled, definitely enjoying all this situation. He had a lot of planned for today for those two idiots so he was going to have so much fun on set, "You gotta go, I guess, or you both will be late on set. See you later and...good luck!" Jared laughed and disappeared inside his own trailer.

"You will pay for everything you planned!" Jensen said after him. Jared might or might not have heard him but Jensen got no response.

"Great, the last thing I need in this world is our kissing scene with Misha interrupted by Jared's pranks in gag reels," Jensen said grumpily under his breath.

"This day has only begun but you're already gloomy," Misha's soft voice interrupted Jensen's thoughts, "What's up?"

Jensen looked at Misha and smiled. Despite all his thoughts, he was glad to see him and have him around. And he had that feeling every moment Misha was nearby, "Nothing much, just Jared who's trying to irritate the hell out of me with his secret smiles and hints."

Misha laughed, "You know him, he can't miss this great opportunity to make fun of us. We should be aware."

Seeing how easy and carefree Misha reacted on it, Jensen relaxed too. "This man always knows how to make me feel better. The person who reads me like an open book." Jensen let that thought into his mind but hid it somewhere deeply inside a few seconds later. It wasn't time for it. He should concentrate on the scene.

"Hey, Jay," Misha waved his hand in front of Jensen's face, "Are you okay?"

"Um, yes, I'm sorry, I was just thinking. I'm a bit nervous."

"Don't overthink this scene, it's going to be fine. We'll do it great. Plus I'll be there with you so relax. Thinking won't help to play it better, just let it go and you'll do fine. And forget about Jared, if he does something, he'll get double revenge from both of us," Misha pattered Jensen's shoulder, "come on, stop thinking."

"Alright," Jensen said, trying to hide his embarrassment. He didn't know why he was thinking about it that much but actually he needed to stop. It wouldn't help him to act his part, "By the way, this is why I'm here. Susan said everything's ready, they're waiting for us."

"Come on, then, let's do it."

\---

"No, Cas, I can't let you to do it," Dean was angry and fiery, "Your stolen grace is fading away and your own grace in this little vial is the only way to save you from dying. I can't let you to sacrifice it for curing me. No way."

"How ironic, isn't it? My true grace is the last ingredient for your cure. But you know what? I'm still willing to give it to you, for you, because even through your demonic state I still see the Dean I knew, that happy hunter who loves cheeseburgers and his Impala, that person who kills monsters and saves lives," Cas was still hoping to get that Dean back, it always had been his purpose to keep him save.

All those emotions were played amazingly all over Misha's face and for a second Jensen forgot what his line was, "I know I've been doing horrible things, I even almost killed Sam. But see, I can manage now. I control it. And I'm stronger and more powerful than I ever was. I don't need that cure because I'm fine without it. But I don't understand one thing. Why are you still willing to give up everything for me to make me human again? Why do you still care?"

"How don't you see?!" it was Cas' turn to be angry and mad, "The only purpose of my existence is you. Your safety! And by you I don't mean the demon who is standing in front of me. By you I mean the hunter I fell in love with!" Cas' face clearly said that he wasn't going to mention his feeling towards Dean, it just slipped out of his mouth. But the words were spoken and there was no way to escape.

Jensen found himself stunned by Misha's performance again. "What? What did you say?"

Cas let out a heavy sigh, "I love you, Dean. I always have. So yeah, now you know the main reason of my behavior and I'd better die with the thought that you know my feelings for you than live with the thought you never feel the same way."

Dean slowly approached Cas and cupped his face with his hands, "Who told you I don't feel the same way?" Cas' eyes sparkled with hope, "I want to be a human again, Cas. I really do. For you. Because I know that me as a human would love you with all the heart and the soul which is dark now. But we'll find another way, okay? Without using your grace. We'll find the way where we both will be happy together, okay?"

Cas just nodded, unable to speak or look away.

"That's it, you should do it," Jensen thought, looking into Misha's deep blue eyes. In the script it was Dean who should initiate the kiss, "You played this scene in your mind a thousand times, you're an actor and it's just a kiss between two characters in the show. Nothing much to do actually. Just imagine it's Danneel right in front of you, not your best friend. Ha-ha, Jensen, shut up, it doesn't help. Come on. Just do it."

Jensen let his eyes fall on Misha's lips and leaned forward.

And everything changed the moment their lips had touched.

Meanwhile, Jared was standing round the corner, ready to start his pranks. But he stopped once he saw their faces. Jared had been knowing Jensen for 9 years but he never saw him that relaxed. Like he was in actual peace at that moment while Misha's face literally shone with happiness, it was as bright as the sun. And at that moment Jared realized what was going on between these two. He knew it. He always knew. He was only hoping what Jensen and Misha knew it as well.

Jensen forgot everything. He forgot he was going to imagine Danneel instead and actually he was glad he forgot. For a second he forgot that it wasn't in fact a kiss between him and Misha but between Dean and Cas so it wasn't even real for the actors. And Jensen suddenly felt disappointed and sad because he wanted it to be a part of his daily life. He wanted it to be real, to be true. But he let himself to feel that exact moment, leaving all thoughts for the better time. All Jensen was focused on was Misha's soft and sweet lips moving in sync with his own. He just wanted that moment to last forever.

But he was brought back into reality as he heard their director yelled, "Cut!"

But Jensen didn't pull away immediately, he kissed Misha for a few more seconds, trying to remember every detail of the moment which more likely wouldn't happen again.

When he finally pulled away, he was greeted by the silence of the crew and a very surprised Misha's face.

"Are we done?" Jensen asked the director.

"Um, yes."

"Ok, good," he said and went to his trailer, hearing a few crew members whispering something to each other behind his back.


	7. Chapter 7

A few weeks had passed since the shooting of the finale. Jensen and Misha didn't see each other since then. Misha was spending his vacation with his family in Vancouver while Jensen flew over to Danneel and JJ in Los Angeles. 

Everything was fine.

Everyone seemed to forget about that little accident on set. 

But they were going to face each other soon again. 

Jus in Bello was coming.

It was Misha's favorite part of his job, doing conventions, meeting fans. He loved interacting with them because they were the reason he was still on Supernatural. He didn't know where he would have been if it hadn't been for them. And because of them. So he was grateful to get a chance to meet and thank his fans again. 

Jensen didn't like conventions that much because the fans liked to ask questions he was uncomfortable with, particularly about Destiel. Those questions put him in awkward positions and he still didn't get used to it. But Jensen did like Jus in Bello because it was the only place he had a panel with Misha and he was waiting for it every year.

But not this time.

This time Jensen was terrified of what might happen there, not only because Destiel had become canon and the fans, for sure, were going to ask questions about it, but also because he didn't know how Misha would react and interact with him after the scene. At least he hoped it wouldn't be that bad.

\---

Misha was the first person from the cast who arrived in Rome. He signed a few autographs at the airport and took some selfies with fans who were shining with happiness after that. Misha was glad that he still had a few more hours alone in the hotel before the rest of actors would arrive. He wanted some time alone to think through all events which had happened recently.

He had a crush on Jensen. It was obvious. Just one look at that man made his heart jump from his chest. Yes, Misha had his family, but Vicki was always supportive and if something was going on between him and Jensen, she would understand and accept that too. Together they made things even worse than this so it was fine. Misha didn't worry about. But he worried about Jensen's life because he knew how he felt about Danneel and his family, Jensen couldn't betray them so he wouldn't wish to have anything in common with Misha in a romantic way. But Misha couldn't deny the fact that Jensen enjoyed their kiss much more than Misha himself. He didn't pull away, he continued kissing him even after the director called the end of the take. Even though Misha was very surprised by Jensen's reactions, he did notice his behavior after, how he had just magically vanished from set and no one saw him after that. Misha wanted to talk to him, to find out why he did all of that but he hadn't had a chance yet. He was hoping he would have one here, in Rome. 

Misha didn't even notice how the door of his hotel room was opened and within the seconds the room was filled by Richard, Rob and Jason and he hid all those thoughts deep inside in his head.

\---

Jensen was sitting in a green room, drinking whiskey. He already had two panels today; one with Jared, the other one - his own. But he was going to have one more panel tonight.

His panel with Misha.

He was really excited for this. Or was he nervous? He couldn't tell because he was a mix of emotions at that moment. He didn't see Misha yet, they were supposed to see each other for the first time only on stage. It was definitely not what Jensen was hoping for because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions under control.

Jared entered the room and called for him, "Hey, Jensen, it's time."

Jensen let out a long sigh, "Okay, I'm coming."


	8. Chapter 8

Jensen was the first one who was on the stage. He'd been interacting with fans for a few minutes and started to wonder why Misha still wasn't there. Jensen had been in the middle of answering a question from the audience when he was interrupted by loud cheers and applauses. Music started playing and he knew what was going on.

Misha showed up.

Jensen held his breath for a few short moments and uncertainly looked up at him. And the world seemed to stop at that moment; the audience no longer existed.

Misha was wearing his as-blue-as-his-eyes-are jacket and looked incredibly handsome. As usual, though. He was smiling and looking at Jensen. But Jay noticed that Misha was smiling only with his mouth; there was hurt and misunderstanding in his eyes. Jensen immediately wanted to wipe all this hurt away but he knew he couldn't because he was the only one who caused it.

Jensen was sitting, frozen, on his chair and didn't even notice how Misha approached, laid the hand on his shoulder and whisper into his ear, "Jay, you better close your mouth and take your eyes away from me if you don't want to deal with more awkward questions from the audience."

Jensen shook his head a little, bringing himself back into reality. Into harsh reality where Misha wasn't probably going to talk to him at all out of public. But he forced himself not to think about it at that moment and just let himself enjoy their time together.

Half of a panel went pretty good; innocent questions from the fans about working on set together, a few questions about their families. Misha and Jensen were interacting very well so no one could possibly suspect that something was wrong. But, of course, somebody just should've asked that question and it happened. 

A fan was holding a microphone, "Hi, guys."

"Hey," Misha and Jensen answered simultaneously.

"So Destiel has finally become canon and all fans are really happy because of it. So my question is, what was it like kissing your best friend and how has it changed your relationship?" 

Misha had to think for a minute before answering while Jensen was shifting uncomfortably on his seat. He was waiting for any version of that question but he never thought it would be that direct.

"Actually it was great, Jensen is such a good kisser," Misha teased. Jensen was just sitting there with wide eyes, looking right at Misha who was definitely enjoying the situation. But then he laughed and Jensen relaxed a bit, listening to how the audience started laughing as well. They were considering this as a joke. Good. "And the state of our relationship is still the same because we're actors, we're professionals so we can easily handle situations like that." Misha added. Jay just nerviously laughed in return because he knew it wasn't true. "Anything to add, Jensen?" Jensen just shook his head.

And when everything seemed to be normal again, that girl had decided that it wasn't enough. She chuckled, "Hah, "professionals'. Jensen hasn't even lifted his head during the whole Misha's answer and he's clearly nervous. You're hiding something, boys, tell us about it!" 

And, of course, it was enough for the fans to explode. They started screaming and shouting, trying to figure out if they're really hiding something or not. It was enough for Jensen too. He just stood up and left the stage, leaving Misha alone. He heard how Misha apologized, saying he would be back in a few minutes. It had given one more reason for the audience to be even more suspicios but actors didn't care. Especially Misha. He ran after Jensen and stopped him in the hallway. 

"Why are you always doing that?" Misha was furious.

"Doing what?"

"Leaving me in front of everyone when you're actually the only one who messes things up! I'm not going to be resposinble for your actions. I managed somehow to explain your behaviour to our crew but I'm never going to do that again, ever! You understand me?"

Jensen was having a hard time concentrating on Misha's words during that outburst because there were a lot of things that were distracting him. Misha's eyes, his hair that sticking up in different directions, his lips, oh God, those full lips.. At that part Jensen lost his mind. He had feelings for Misha and he couldn't fight them anymore. He grabbed Misha by the collar of his blue jacket and pulled him into kiss. It was a brief one but very very sweet so Misha had to clunch on Jensen's arms because he'd started losing his mind from a sudden wave of warmth and happiness.

"Maybe things aren't that bad after all and I might have a chance," that thought ran through Misha's mind.

Jensen pulled away after a few short moments, "I'm sorry, Mish, I know I behave myself like a dick. It won't happen again, I promise."

Of course Misha forgave him at that exact second, "That's not a big deal," Misha smiled and leaned forward to kiss Jensen once again but the other actor stopped him by pressing the finger to Misha's month, "We have the whole hall full of crazy fangirls, we gotta handle them. And then I'll allow you to do everything you want."

Misha's eyes lit up, "Deal."

The boys had returned on stage and the rest of the panel went well. They handled that awkward situation and the fans were satisfied with their answers. 

Late at night both of them had come back into Misha's hotel room and they started doing things that Misha couldn't possibly imagine he would do with Jensen. It was so good and he was literally on seventh heaven. He wanted to savour every tiny moment of what was happening and wanted to last it as long as possible. But soon enough both actors realized that they were extremely tired after that long day so Jensen and Misha fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms and legs.

\-----

The phone was ringing. It took a while for Jensen to understand that it was ringing not in his dream but in reality. He opened his eyes and saw Misha laying by his side. That phone wasn't even bothering Misha. Smiling widely, Jensen grabbed his phone and headed out of the room. The number was indefinite.

"Um, yes?"

"Jensen Ackles?"

"Yes, it's me. Who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Walsh. Your wife, Danneel, has been badly injured in the car accident and she's in our hospital now. Her condition is stable now but she needs someone close to be by her side during this week so she could feel herself safe."

Jensen pressed himself to the wall because suddenly it was hard to stay on the feet, "Y-yes, of course, I'll be there as soon as I can."

He rushed into his hotel room, gathered all clothes and went to the airport. 

He didn't even remember about leaving Misha without any explanation because he wouldn't forgive himself if Danneel died so he should've been by her side as soon as he could, the rest of the world didn't matter.


	9. Chapter 9

Misha slowly started waking up. The memories of the night were floating in his head. Those little kisses Jensen was placing on his neck, cheeks and lips. Those arms that were wrapping Misha in a strong but gentle grip. Those sweet moans Jensen was making because of the pure pleasure. Those loving words he was whispering into Misha's ear. Those green eyes that were shining brightly and happily in the light of the moon and looking back at him like he was the only one in the world, like Misha always wanted to be for Jensen. 

All of it seemed to be a dream. It actually was a dream for Misha and he didn't want to get back into reality. But he knew he had to. And then he rolled over on his other side and opened his eyes, the reality turned out to be harsher than he expected it to be.

The bed was empty and there was no sign of Jensen around. 

"Jensen?" Misha called.

Silence.

"Jensen, you here?" Misha tried again.

Silence.

He touched a spot on their bed where Jensen had to be sleeping. It was cold. That meant Jensen had left the bed hours ago. Misha suppressed a sigh of disappointment. 

"Where the hell is he?" He muttered.

Misha dressed up and walked out in the hallway. He checked Jensen's room first but he wasn't there either.

Then Misha noticed sleepy and grumpy Tahmoh standing near a vending machine. 

"Hey, man," he greeted him warmly, "how're you feeling after your first convention?"

"Those fans are crazy to be honest," Tahmoh laughed, "but I'm really glad to be a part of this cast and fandom. And the fans seemed to like me, that's amazing."

"Of course they like you, you're a great guy!"

"Thanks, buddy," Tahmoh smiled.

"Erm," Misha suddenly felt a bit confused. He had to find out where Jensen was but asking it directly at 7 in the morning would've seemed weird even for someone who was new in the cast like Tahmoh, leaving aside all other members who seemed to suspect that things weren't that simple between two leading actors. 

Tahmoh noticed Misha's awkward behavior, "What is it?"

"I just wanted to ask if you happened to see Jensen? We were about to go sightseeing with Jared before our flight home but I can't find him anywhere." Misha shrugged, imparting his lie a bit more conviction. 

"I didn't see him but Jared said something about him flying back alone early this morning because of his wife or something. I don't remember details, you can ask Jared himself if you want to."

Tahmoh said something else but Misha didn't hear him already. He turned out and rushed into his hotel room. The blood in his veins was boiling, the anger and rage were overwhelming him.

Jensen. Flew. Away. From. Him. To. Danneel. Right. After. Their. First. Night. Together. 

Misha felt like a hundred knifes cutting up his body would've hurt much less than that feeling of betrayal. The memories of the night had popped up in his head again and it only made it worse. It made it worse to understand how Jensen could've done something like that. Just ran away. Got back to his wife. How could a person be that feigned? How could Misha let all of it happen? Why did he believe Jensen again? He knew it wouldn't end good. He knew it. But he let himself to be fooled again. And that was what he got in return.

All anger and rage had suddenly vanished and all that was left were sadness, hurt and loneliness. He let the tears roll down his face. He wished they could wash away all memories of Jensen Ackles in his life. Unfortunately, it was impossible. He didn't know what to do with his life.

But Misha knew one thing for sure.

He will never let Jensen get close to him anymore.

\-------

Jensen literally rushed into a hospital room. Everything was silent besides all those medical machines with their beeping noises which were really irritating. Jensen was ready to see his wife covered in bandages all over her body because it was exactly what he'd been imagining in his head during his flight. But what he saw in front of him left Jensen both relieved and surprised.

"Hey, honey," Danneel greeted him, broadly smiling. At the first sight she looked completely fine. No bandages, no gypsum on any part of her body, nothing. There were a few light bruises on her face and arms but that was it. 

"I was told you were badly injured," Jensen said. Something on his face must've changed because in one second Danneel looked a bit confused and.. what was it? Shame? But she didn't say anything. 

"I'm waiting for your explanation, Danneel. A doctor called me and said that there was a car accident and you were badly injured. I forgot about all my businesses and flew back here, immediately, leaving everything behind. And here you are, looking completely good and happy. What the hell does all of it mean?" By the end of his speech Jensen felt angry. Because once he told that, he remembered about Misha.

Misha.

_Damn. ___

He left him. He left him all alone in the darkness of that hotel room without any explanation. And he knew how Misha would feel and react. How _anyone _would react on Misha's place. And that fact made him feel like shit. Like he was the worst person on this entire planet.__

And Danneel still didn't say a word.

"Danneel!" Jensen shouted at her. He shouted at her for the first time in his life because he couldn't deal with his emotions.

"I.. I'm sorry. I asked the doctor to tell you that.. I.. I just wanted for you to come home earlier, you've been away for so long and I knew you would fly back home faster because of this news. I was injured a little bit as you can see, I didn't make the whole situation up, I just asked to lie a little about my condition. I didn't know you would be that nervous about me. I was selfish, I just really missed you. I'm so sorry for my actions, Jensen, I should've done that." When Danneel finished, she felt miserable and regretted about everything she'd done. But Jensen was too angry to notice that.

"Yeah, you really shouldn't," he growled and walked out of the room.

Jensen didn't know what to do so he decided to solve the problem this one possible way. He needed to get drunk. He stopped by the nearest bar and ordered a glass of whiskey. He decided not to think about Danneel because he would have to talk about that with her later anyway. Instead, he decided to think about what actually happened last night.

And truth to be told, last night happened to be the best night in his life. Jensen knew it for sure. He never felt himself that happy and carefree. Everything was just perfect. And Misha was perfect in all possible ways. Jensen never thought that he could feel that pleasure, he never thought it was possible for a human to be that happy. For a second he thought that he might've exploded because of the feelings he had experienced, he wasn't entirely sure his body would be capable of holding all of it inside of him. Last night seemed like a dream to Jensen but he knew it was real. But it was ruined and there probably wasn't any chance to restore it. 

Jensen felt angry again but he was angry mostly on himself for letting all of it happen.

After the third glass of whiskey he felt a bit tipsy. And an image of Misha's incredible blue eyes popped up in his head. He knew those eyes wound be haunting him in sleep for the rest of his life. 

All those events made Jensen realize one thing.

He loved Danneel, he truly did, no matter what.

But he was in love with Misha. And he was going to fix everything he had done because he couldn't live without him. Not anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Jensen woke up in the morning with a strong desire to make things right. He needed to talk to Misha, he needed to explain him everything and he didn't care what it would have to take. Jensen only hoped that Misha would understand the situation.

Jensen looked at the clock on the bedside table. It showed 8 in the morning. The cast should've already flown back from Italy. Jensen decided that he probably would be able to find Misha in his house. Well at least he was going to start from there.

It took him one hour to drive to Misha's house. Jensen parked his car on the driveway right beside the other actor's front door. He took in a few deep breaths. Jensen never felt that nervous in his life; he felt like his whole life was depending on that moment. Gathering all his courage, he stepped out of his car and appoached the door. Jensen lifted his hand and timidly knocked two times. After a while the door was opened and Misha was standing there. But the person Jensen had been staring at looked like a dark shadow of Misha he remembered a few days ago: there were huge bags under his eyes because apparently he hadn't been sleeping enough lately; those light blues eyes weren't shining anymore and there were red strips around them; his features were rigid and unfriendly.

Jensen couldn't understand why Misha looked like that.

"What happened?" Jensen asked immediately.

"What happened?! How fucking dare you to ask me what happened? What the hell have you even forgotten here? Get out of my house!" Misha roared and Jensen sweared he never saw him like that before. And it all was because of him, he realize that.

"Misha, wait, let me explain everything, please!" Jensen almost begged.

"I don't want to listen to your explanation!" Misha had growled and turned around to close the door behind him but something made him change his mind. He turned back to face Jensen and Jensen saw the pain into his eyes.

"Do you know how I felt when I woke up that morning alone? Do you have any idea?" Misha asked. Jensen couldn't look him in the eyes, it was too painful, so he lowered his gaze to the floor, "I felt like all my suspicions turned out to be truth. I told myself a hundred times that I shouldn't have done this, that my heart would be broken anyways because you're not capable of loving anyone but Danneel. And you know what? It's broken now! My heart is broken because I trusted you, I thought I was wrong thinking all of it but you proved me otherwise!" There were tears shining in Misha's eyes. "Go away, I don't want to see you anymore."

"But..."

"GET OUT!" Misha shouted and shut the door in front of Jensen's face.

Jensen felt like he had been slammed across his face. All those words were hurting more than any pain he had ever felt in his life and he knew there was nothing in the world that would hurt more. Jensen was sure he was going to remember those words for the rest of his life, they had been carved on his heart and soul. He had no idea how deeply Misha had been hurt if he didn't even want to see him anymore, not to mention hearing his silly explanation.

Feeling utterly miserable, Jensen made the way back to his car. Once he had started it, Jensen decided to turn on the radio and after he heard a few words from the song that had been blaring through the speakers, he thought that fate was mocking him.

_A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven_

_I don't wanna waste the weekend  
If you don't love me pretend  
A few more hours then it's time to go_

_As my train rolls down the east coast I wonder how you keep warm  
It's too late to cry  
Too broken to move on_

_And still I can't let you be  
Most nights I hardly sleep  
Don't take what you don't need from me ___

__"Well, this day couldn't get any worse," Jensen thought irritably and turned off the radio._ _

__The rest of his trip he spent in silence. He really liked driving, it always calmed him down, but even it didn't help that day. His thoughts kept spinning around Misha and he had no idea what to do next. Jensen knew only one thing that could help him to get distracted._ _

__He needed to see his daughter._ _

__Danneel had told him that JJ was staying at his parents home so Jensen was there in half an hour. To his shame he hadn't been there for a really long time and realized how much he missed his mom and dad. A silhouette of his mom standing at the porch and holding JJ in her arms brought a wide smile on Jensen's face. That was exactly what he wanted._ _

__Jensen quickly parked his car and stood out of it. By that time his mom had put down JJ on her feet so his daughter was running towards him and shouting "Dada! Dada!" Jensen lifted her up and placed a soft and sweet kiss on her lips._ _

__"You're getting very big, baby, you're gonna grew up taller than uncle Jared," Jensen laughed and his daughter giggled happily._ _

__"I really hope it will never happen," his mom said with a smile and hugged Jensen._ _

__"Hey, mom! I missed you," he said sincerely and sighed in her sweet scent. It reminded him of his happy childhood and brought on a lot of memories._ _

__"I missed you too, my boy. How's Danneel? We got very scared when we found out what happen to her."_ _

__"Well, everything is not that bad as you think it is. She's fine actually. She's be home soon again." Jensen said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. It didn't escape from his mother's attention._ _

__"Is everything okay with you two?"_ _

__Jensen sighed. His mom knew him too well even though they hadn't seen each other for a long time._ _

__"I really don't want to talk about it right now. Can we talk later?" Jensen hesitated before adding, "I think I need your advice anyway."_ _

__"Sure, sweetie."_ _

__JJ started shifting a bit in Jensen's arms. "I think it's time for her to eat. You want anything?" His mom asked._ _

__"Yeah, that would be great."_ _

__They walked into the house. Everything was on its usual places, just like Jensen remembered._ _

__"Where's dad by the way?"_ _

__"He's playing golf with his friends. Should be back soon."_ _

__"Oh, okay."_ _

__In fifteen minutes everything was ready for dinner. Jensen's mom was the greatest cooker ever, he already forgot how much he loved her food. It didn't take much for JJ to be full and she started falling asleep. Jensen carefully carried her to the cradle and then got back into the kitchen._ _

__Jensen sat back at the table and looked at his mom who was staring lovingly at him and decided that she was the only person who he could explain everything to and who might help him to solve the problem. Not just because she was his mother and she loved him no matter what but also because she was still the closest person to him and he used to share all his life with her._ _

__"Mom, I.. I think I fell in love. And that's not it. It's.. a man. And you know him because you watch the show, we work together there. I hurt him so bad, he doesn't even want to see me or talk to me but I can't stop thinking about him, his image is literally haunting me. And more importantly, I don't know what to do with Danneel. I love her, I really do, but I want to spend every second of my life with another person." Jensen felt so sad, broken and desperate at that moment, it was hard for his to keep himself together. He covered his face his hands, "I screwed up and I don't know what to do..." he whispered._ _

__Jensen was expecting for his mom to say something, anything, but there was silence. He slowly lifted his head just to see his mom was smiling at him._ _

__"What are you smiling about?" Jensen asked uncertainly while curiosity overwhelmed him._ _

__"It's finally happened. Finally! You know, it took you two much longer to realize your feelings for each other than we thought. But yet it was only the matter of time."_ _

__Jensen felt completely dumbfounded, "What are you talking about?"_ _

__"You must've hurt him very bad if that positive and bright person as Misha is refuses to talk to you," Jensen's mom said, smiling slyly._ _

__"Wh-what? But... But I didn't say it was him, how did you-" Jensen was interrupted as his mom pressed a finger to his lips._ _

__"Just because you two idiots were blind doesn't mean everyone around you was. You've been in love with him since you started shooting together. After a month or so Danneel came to me telling that every time you got back home you couldn't stop talking about how funny and great and amazing he was. You probably didn't even notice but everything you were talking about was Misha. Then months had passed, me and Danneel watched a lot of episodes where you had scenes together and different conventions and everything became clear. I'm amazed that it took you so long, all these years, finally to realize what you really feel for him because it should've happened years ago."_ _

__Jensen groaned and let his head fall on the table. She knew. And Danneel knew. Apparently everyone around Jensen knew except him. Yes, he did talk much about Misha because he liked him as a friend. They spent a lot of time together and he was comfortable around Misha but he never thought there was something behind it. And if the writers hadn't decided to make Destiel canon and written a kiss scene, he would have never known._ _

__"Is it that obvious?" Jensen asked. He felt completely exhausted, both physically and emotionally, "I liked him a lot before, he was my best friend, but that kiss changed everything. It feels like I have become a new person after that, I don't even remember what my life was like before."_ _

__"I guess that kiss woke up a volcano of love which had been sleeping inside you. You're in love, my darling, for the first time in your life because you haven't been able to hide your heart eyes for Misha for seven years and it's growing only stronger, I can see it."_ _

__Jensen looked his mom into the eyes. Yeah, she knew him too well._ _

__"But what do I do with Danneel?"_ _

__"Nothing. She's completely fine with it, believe me. Even though she loves you, there's nothing she can do. Love is out of human control and you know it so if you love another person, there's nothing she can do to stop you from loving him and she accepts it. The question you should ask now is what do you do with Misha?"_ _

__"I'm very tired to think about it right now but I'll find a way to fix it, believe me." Jensen hugged his mom very tight, "I love you, mom, thank you."_ _

__"I love you too, Jensen. I hope you will get him back and be happy."_ _

__"I will," he smiled._ _

__Jensen laid down to the guest bed upstairs. The conversation with his mom made him feel a lot better than he had been before. Jensen fell asleep with one thought rushing through his mind._ _

__He will do whatever, _whatever _it takes to win Misha back.___ _


	11. Chapter 11

Two weeks had passed. Misha was desperately trying to forget Jensen. He truly was. Buy apparently it was beyond his power. Endless images of him were literally haunting Misha during days and nights. The worst part always came at night when he was trying to get some sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he would feel Jensen's hands on him, his soft kisses covering his body just like he was in that hotel room in Rome again. Misha couldn't bear it. He knew it wasn't real, he knew he was only fantasizing about it but he wasn't able to shake it off because it felt so natural. Misha was longing to see him again, hear him, touch him, _feel _him. It was all that Misha wanted in his life. But then he remembered how all this dream had been ruined, how betrayed he felt and it kept him going for awhile. But, of course, it wouldn't last so long and Misha would want nothing but Jensen again.__

__He was infatuated. Misha knew it now. And there was no way to escape. In one of those night he realized that he would always love Jensen, no matter what the other had done or would do.  
It was a summer hiatus and they didn't have to see each other every day and Misha was glad. He needed to stay away from Jensen as long as possible. But, as always, everything didn't go the way Misha wanted it to._ _

__One day he woke up around afternoon, feeling not so good because his thoughts of Jensen couldn't let him sleep properly again. Vicki was already up, cooking lunch. Once Misha entered the kitchen, she smiled shyly._ _

__"You look exhausted," she admitted, "couldn't sleep again?"_ _

__The concern in her voice was clear and this made Misha feel somewhat guilty. He had everything in his life to be happy; some people were only dreaming about having at least a small part of what he had already had. But everything that Misha wanted was only one particular person and nothing else._ _

__"Yeah," Misha said quietly._ _

__"Wanna talk about it?"_ _

__Misha almost said yes. He wanted to take off this emotional weight that had been put on him so badly but at the same time he couldn't tell Vicki. He didn't want her to feel betrayed just like he did._ _

__He approached and took her hand, "I don't want to talk about it, I'm sorry."_ _

__"Okay. I won't insist," she said, smiling._ _

__Misha felt that hint of guilt again. She was worried about him while he was being a selfish jerk._ _

__"How's Jensen by the way? You two used to hang out even on a hiatus," she asked innocently._ _

__Misha felt that his heart skipped a beat. He wasn't ready that Vicki would mention him; it caused his chest to hurt again._ _

__He awkwardly cleared his throat before answering, "He's been busy lately. You know, interviews, preparations for the next season and stuff." Misha hoped he sounded persuasively enough._ _

__"Yeah, about that," Vicki said with a grin; she was clearly hiding something from him. Vicki let go of his hand and brought her laptop._ _

__"What is it?" Misha asked, confused._ _

__"Just watch." And with that she clicked on the video._ _

__An image of Jensen appeared on the screen and Misha felt that he wasn't able to force himself to look away from the laptop. He just sat in the chair, frozen, because Jensen was truly stunning; he was telling an interviewer something about the show but Misha barely caught a word - he was too focused on capturing every Jensen's feature. Moreover, Misha completely forgot about Vicki's presence who was staring at him. She had already been suspecting for a long time that something was going on between two men but now, sitting there and watching Misha with her own eyes, she got all sorted out. Especially when she saw her husband's reaction to Jensen's confession which he had made looking right into the camera._ _

____"I love you Misha. I mean, honestly, it's you know, from the bottom of my heart that I say that. Seriously, it's not stopping." _ ____ _ __

____There was silence after those words. Misha suspected it was Vicki who pressed the pause button but it was, in fact, the end of the video.At first Misha thought that he had misheard something or it was his mind playing with him again because Jensen couldn't really say that, could he? Misha couldn't take it, he couldn't believe it was true. Jensen was playing with him. But then he remembered what kind of human Jensen really was: shy and genuine. He wouldn't say a thing unless he did indeed mean it. And that gave Misha so much hope, he could feel his heart bumping in his chest so loudly, it could've just jumped out of his body._ _ _ _

____Vicki reached out and took Misha's hand in hers, "Whatever happened between you two, it all will be fine. Just don't push him away, he has already proved you he loves you and even he did it through the social media which means he has nothing to lose. I never thought Jensen could do that, he's always stayed out of any internet and media stuff and look what he did for you now. Give him a chance, he looks just as miserable as you are. You're lost and broken without each other, that's just stupid."_ _ _ _

____Misha looked at his wife surprised and kinda terrified but all he saw in her eyes was concern. Somehow she knew about him and Jensen, Misha was sure, and apparently she didn't mind at all which had made her the best wife in the world._ _ _ _

____"But how did you know?" Misha whispered._ _ _ _

____"I can read you like an open book, remember? Besides, all your emotions always have been showing on your face. You're in love with him, it's obvious. So why are you still sitting here, huh?"_ _ _ _

____"He was actually the one who messed things up so I'm not gonna go anything about it." Misha said, matter-of-factly._ _ _ _

____Vicki opened her mouth to tell him he was wrong but Misha's phone beeped. It was a text from Jensen: "We need to talk, Misha. Please, just give me a chance to explain everything."_ _ _ _

____"See?" Vicki said, smiling, "Go and talk to him. Make things right."_ _ _ _

____"But..."_ _ _ _

____"Go, I won't disappear anywhere. And no, I'm not judging you, all I want for you is to be happy and the only person you can absolutely be happy with is Jensen, so go and get him."_ _ _ _

____"Thank you," Misha said sincerely. He kissed Vicki and hugged her tight, "I love you too, you know?" He whispered._ _ _ _

____"I know, dummy," Vicki laughed._ _ _ _

____Misha grabbed his phone to send text to Jensen: "Meet me at 7 in the park."_ _ _ _

____Even ten seconds hadn't passed when his phone beeped in his hand again, "Deal."_ _ _ _

____"Maybe things weren't that bad after all," Misha thought._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Jensen's words about "I love you, Misha..." were taken from that famous MTV video, you can easily find it on you tube if you haven't watched it yet :))


	12. Chapter 12

Jensen was sitting on a bench in the park, looking around for Misha and nervously patting his hands on his thighs. He wasn't sure he had ever been that nervous in his life. The only thing he was hoping for was Misha's understanding. Jensen would need only five minutes to convince Misha to listen to him, to give him a chance to explain what had really happened. He had a lot of things planned for that and if none of it would work, Jensen would rather die right in that evening because all events had made him realize one simple thing - there was no life for him without Misha.

Jensen looked at his watch. It showed 6.58. Misha could be there any minute. He was one of those rare people who were actually punctual nowadays. Jensen couldn't sit anymore, the nervousness was taking over him so he stood up from the bench and just as he was about to turn around and look in another direction, a familiar movement caught his eye.

"Oh. My. God," Jensen muttered under his breath.

One look at the man who was now approaching him made Jensen realized how much he actually missed him, needed him. Misha was astonishing, stunning even; he was wearing a slightly pink shirt and a blue jacket which was secretly Jensen's favorite; the warm rays of the sun were shining right at Misha's face, illuminating each of his features; Misha was smiling but that smile didn't touch his eyes, Jensen could see that even from where he was standing but still, Jensen thought Misha was glad to see him because he agreed to meet him, that already was a progress.

By the time Misha finally made his way to where Jensen was, Jensen regretted his previous desicion about standing up from that bench; his knees were wobbly, he definetely needed something to straighten him up so he put a hand on the nearest tree. He felt like all air was taken out of his lungs by how beautiful the other man was. Jensen should've said something, anything, but he couldn't. He felt like he forgot how to speak or to think. He was amazed.

"H-Hey," Jensen finally made a sound and that was probably the most awkward moment in his life.

Misha laughed, "Didn't know I could make that impression on people."

"It's just getting better and better." Jensen thought. He coughed, not sure of what to say. A few seconds had passed and he made his decision - he was going to be open and honest with Misha, he was going to get his trust back. If this meeting wouldn't end up the way Jensen had imagined, he was at least hoping he could have Misha as a friend. In any way, he should've gained his trust back.

"Hey, get back on the Earth, Jensen, I'm still standing right here."

"Um, right, sorry, I got distracted by how beautiful you are," Jensen said, not taking his eyes off Misha.

A slight blush creeped on Misha's cheek so he had to look on the ground. Jensen smiled at his little victory.

"You hungry?" Jensen asked. He needed Misha to say 'yes' because that was a part of the plan so he added, "It would be easier for us to talk there, its too noisy here." That was true, there were kids everywhere.

Misha squinted his eyes, considering the offer. "Actually yes, I'm hungry."

"Okay," Jensen replied.

No more words were spoken because they both knew where they were heading. It was a place where they used to hang out almost every weekend. It took a 10-minute walk for them to reach the destination. They spent them in silence. Jensen couldn't say that it was a comfortable silence; from time to time he looked at Misha and saw the other man was giving him glances as well. It felt awkward. "WhydoIbehavemyselflikeateen on the firstdate?" Jensen thought with anger. He was angry with himself. He was angry he had let all of it happen. Instead of being in endless awkward situations, Misha and him could've just happily hanged out just as they always had. Jensen wished circumstances were different. He wished that day would be over and he would hold Misha in his arms. That was all he wanted.

Jensen saw how Misha reached his hand out for Jensen's but changed his mind on a halfway and put the hand into a pocket, pursing his lips tightly together.

By the time they finally reached a bar, Jensen had already forgotten everything he was going to say to Misha. "Calm down. Everything'sgonnabe alright." Jensen said slowly to himself and took a few deep breaths.

As Jensen opened the door of the bar, the bells above it dinged as usual. They made their way to a place they had always occupied. A barman came to them.

"Good evening," he smiled politely, "As usual, gentlemen?"

Jensen looked at Misha. The other man nodded.

"Yeah, Dave, thank you," Jensen said. "And.." he made a pause, "prepare what we have agreed to before, please."

"Sure." With this word the barman disappeared behind the counter.

Misha suspiciously looked over at Jensen, clearly waiting for an explanation of his previous words.

"You'll figure it out later."

Of course Jensen knew it wasn't an answer for Misha but he couldn't tell him, not yet.

Jensen studied Misha's face; he was serious and patient. He was waiting. Jensen took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.

"Don't," Misha said.

It took Jensen by surprise. "W-What? Why?"

"I don't want you to tell me any lie that you have prepared for me. I only wanna know one thing. One. I want to know the reason why you had left me in Rome alone." Misha's voice broke down at the last word but he found the strength to continue, "after everything you had told me, after everything you had done, you just left me! You could've just left a note behind, damn it! Did that actually mean nothing for you?"

The guilt overwhelmed Jensen again. He looked into Misha's eyes and saw how deeply the other man had been hurt. Misha wasn't even trying to hide anything, all emotions were showing on his face.

Jensen reached out across the table and took Misha's hand in his. Surprisingly, Misha didn't pull it away. Jensen looked him in the eyes and put in his voice as much persuasiveness as humanly possible, "That night in Rome was the best night in my life. And I'm not lying to you, Misha."

Jensen saw Misha's hesitation, his uncertainty. Misha wanted to believe him but those words weren't enough. Jensen decided that it was a point of no return. He was going to tell Misha everything.

"Yes, I did leave you. But it wasn't my own will. I didn't run away from you, I didn't hide as you might've thought. The reason why I left you was Danneel."

Jensen saw a flash of anger crossed Misha's features. He had to stop talking because the other man stood up from his seat.

"Oh, great," Misha roared, "Now you're gonna feed me lies about the best night in your life and saying that you left me because of your wife?"

Jensen put both his hands on Misha's shoulders and slightly shook him. He felt like he started slowly losing his patience, "That's not what you think, dumbass! I left you only because Danneel had been in an accident and got badly injured! Turned out she tricked me though, but I didn't know it by then."

Jensen saw how all Misha's anger vanished; now it was only a sad and broken man in front of him. Jensen noticed how Dave give him a sign that everything had been prepared. He nodded in response. Misha took his eyes from the floor and opened his mouth to apolozige but before he could do that Jensen put a finger on his mouth, "Save it. There's nothing for you to apolozige for." And with that Jensen walked up to the little stage in the right corner of the bar.

"What are you doing?" Misha asked, not quite understanding what was really happening but Jensen only smiled in return.

"Hello, everybody!" Jensen shouted in a mic. The audience cheered. There weren't many people there, around fifteen or so. "I'm not gonna disturb your peaceful evenings for a long time. I just wanted to show one person here how much I love him by singing a song I hope he will like."

The audience cheered again. Someone shouted, "he won't even dare not to like it." There were a few laughs at that comment, including Jensen's. But it was only for a brief moment. A few seconds later he gathered all his courage and gave a sign to the musicians to play.

\----

Misha couldn't believe his eyes. Only those people around made him think that he wasn't dreaming, that all of it was for real.

A beautiful music filled the air of his favorite bar. Jensen was sitting on the stage a few foots away from where Misha was standing and looking straight at him, smiling. And the moment he started singing, Misha knew he was lost.

_Settle down with me_  
_Cover me up_  
_Cuddle me in_

_Lie down with me_  
_And hold me in your arms_ __

__It was Jensen singing. Jensen who used to be a shy guy. Jensen whose first thought of Misha was "what a weirdo". Jensen who was a walking beauty for an army of Supernatural fans. Jensen who was singing only for the closest friends and family and now was singing only for Misha in front of a dozen of strangers._ _

_____And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to myneck_  
_I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet_  
_And with feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now_

____Memories of their night flooded Misha's head again. He was sure it was the best night in his life, too. It felt like they were made for each other. Jensen was one of those rare people with whom Misha could be who he really was. Jensen knew everything about him. He always supported him in everything, even in his sometimes very extraordinary ideas. Jensen always had Misha's back._ _ _ _

_________Kiss me like you wanna be loved_  
_You wanna be loved_  
_You wanna be loved_  
_This feels like falling in love_  
_Falling in love_  
_We're falling in love_

______Misha thought that he was the stupidest person in this world. Yes, Jensen left him that night, but Misha didn't even give him a chance to explain everything afterwards, he just shut the door in front of his face when he first came to him. He was so blind with that anger that he could've easily ruined not only his friendship with Jensen but all his life. If Jensen hadn't texted Misha asking him to talk, would've Misha ever beaten his pride and taken that step first? Misha wasn't sure of that and the thought of probability of losing Jensen made him so emotional, he didn't even notice how tears started rolling down his cheeks._ _ _ _ _ _

______\----_ _ _ _ _ _

______By the time Jensen had finished singing, he couldn't see Misha properly because the other man took a few steps back and was now in unlighted spot of the bar. He thanked the audience for attention and walked up close to Misha. Jensen was surprised to find him crying. He cupped Misha's cheeks with his hands._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Hey, babe, what's wrong?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm so sorry, I was stupid, I was so angry with you that I could've simply lost you forever and..." Misha started babbling but Jensen didn't let him finish by pressing his lips to Misha's. The kiss was full with sorrow, regret, and with need. A few moments later Jensen pulled away and pressed his forehead to Misha's._ _ _ _ _ _

______"The past doesn't matter now, you hear me? We both have made our mistakes. The only thing that matters now is the present. And in this present I love you, Misha, I love you so so much."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Misha smiled and that was the brightest and most genuine smile Jensen had ever seen in his life._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I love you so much, too."_ _ _ _ _ _

______A wave of pure happiness filled Jensen, he couldn't help but lean in again. This time the kiss was very passionate. Both men couldn't get enough of each other like it was their last kiss on the Earth. Only the need of breath separated them a few minutes later. They stood there in silence, in a tight embrace, each of them was thinking about their happy future._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I never thought we could be together," Misha said quietly._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Me neither," Jensen replied. "But now I can't even imagine my life without you."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Then don't," Misha smiled and pulled Jensen into another kiss._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this story! Thanks to everyone who has read this work. It was actually my first fanfic and I really hope it wasn't that bad ;)


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